People Watching

I love people watching. Going and sitting down someplace and just observe the people in that area. It’s wonderful. I’ve tried to determine where the best place would be for this and I have come to 2 conclusions – The Boardwalk at any beach and Barnes & Noble. You might be wondering why, after well-thought out and careful deliberation, I happened to land on either of those choices. But don’t worry; I am fully prepared to explain myself.

The Beach boasts an array of wonderful things to do. Soak up some sun on the shore, eat more than your fill of fresh seafood at one of the hundreds of restaurants, or wait until the sun goes down and people watch your heart out. I am not, however, an expert at this as this past summer (2010) was my first people watching experience at such a venue but I feel like I am no longer an amateur if that tells you anything! It always amazes me at how careless people can be with their appearance. I feel that if you plan on going out in public you should be forced to look in the mirror at yourself for at least 5 minutes. If after those 5 minutes you wouldn’t even want to have sex with you then it is in your best interest to change. For a great deal of the summer, it is beyond hot at any beach location in the northern hemisphere so shorts and a t-shirt and almost always in order – until you come across the guy wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. The thing that always shocks me is he isn’t sweating at all. So in order to make myself feel better about the situation I come to the inevitable conclusion that he’s an alien. How else can you explain a mid–December outfit in the middle of July? If this were North Dakota I bet he would fit right in. Then there’s the infamous “fat guy without his shirt.” Like it or not – we’ve ALL seen this guy. Heck, it might not even be at a beach. We might run into him as we run our Saturday morning errands or whilst on our way to Jury duty. Clearly people such as this not only have NO full body mirrors in their homes, they are blind also. Most of the time I feel embarrassed for them because deep down they have to know that everyone is looking at them! Long story short – if you find yourself running low on funds during your vacation this year, just head down to the closest board walk, get yourself a sno-cone and have a seat. Within 5 minutes you will be provided with lasting entertainment that is not in short supply.

Your local Barnes & Noble is another place you can get your people watching on at. You’re probably asking yourself why I would suggest a place such as this for something so juvenile but you’d be surprised. Some of the people that chose to come to this establishment are about as dim as a dying light bulb. Out of all the characters I’ve seen in this place there is one type of person I cannot stand to see and that’s the “guy who never trims his fingernails.” What’s weird is that this type of person isn’t even someone who is limited to the confined walls of B&N. I cant seem to wrap my head around this concept. Do some men just get to senile in their aging that they just don’t care about personal hygiene? Clean cut fingernails has always been a pet peeve of mine which is why I have to set aside a certain time each week that I trim and clean my own. It’s one of the first things people see when they meet you (as they shake your hand) so why wouldn’t you keep them in tip-top shape? Men who don’t follow this rule always manage to creep me out as well. I mean, if they can’t take time to keep their hands even partially manicured, what’s to say they don’t “clean up” after themselves when the finish up in the bathroom. Don’t give me that – “Eww”, you know you were thinking it just like I was. Is it wrong to think that men with long, dirty and often times yellow fingernails is a bad person. Put quite frankly, any man could be as nice as they come but if his fingernails aren’t in the right place he has the potential to be a serial killer in my book. But I’m getting off subject – another great specimen to observe at one of these locations is any of the Starbucks baristas (if your location has one within the store). The women are often times so jacked up on coffee that they may as well do a series of jumping jacks when they take your order and the men … oh lord the men are as gay as they come. I have only ever encountered one straight male barista out of all the Starbucks locations I have been to. His name was Michael and he was most definitely a heterosexual. If our reality ever turns into an actual zombie style existence, Starbucks is where the “running” zombies would come from. And they wouldn’t be running because they downed a 10 pound latte before joining the undead community, but rather fleeing from a $7 cup of coffee. The people that attend any Barnes & Noble location are definitely not the same of the same caliber of ones that inhabit the coastline every year But they aren’t far behind.