Lying

Lying. It is something we have all done at one point or another whether you choose to admit it or not. I have done it, and so have you. And yes, it is bad, despite what anyone tells you. But more importantly than performing the act itself is how we react and move forward once we have encountered it. It is my personal belief that a little white lie every now and then hurts no one. It is the gargantuan monstrosities that people tell you right to your face and actually expect you to believe that gets me. I can assure you, I look like no idiot. Nor do I lack the mental capacity to process such an odd thing as the truth. So spit it out already.

Yesterday afternoon I encountered a not so uncommon form of liar – the ridiculously gay “bad” liar. Like I said, not so uncommon. He was making a return to the clothing store I work at. Our return policy clearly states on the receipts be received – no items may be returned if they are washed or warn unless there is a deficiency. What was be returning? I solid white pair of shorts with a brown substance all over them. They also smelled like laundry detergent. I asked the obvious question – why are you returning these? “They just didn’t look right,” was his response. Was that before or after you washed, dried, and spilled fecal matter all over them, I thought. Instead of asking what I was feeling, I decided to take the higher road and simply processed the transaction. After that was finished I caught hell from my manager … as you can imagine. She explained the return policy to me as if it were my first day. Listen lady, I simply didn’t want to get into a bitch fight with the queen that returned them and have to put him in his place, OK? But after she and I talked and she began to walk away I couldn’t help but think about the gay guy’s actions the rest of the night. How could someone be so dishonest that he didn’t tell the whole truth about why he was returning the pair of shorts? At the worst he would have received store credit which isn’t bad at all in my book. And then it occurred to me – he was simply a dishonest person so trying to determine the logic behind his thinking was just something that could not be explained by my mind alone. At least, not if I was going to get the correct explanation. I decided to abandon the project and progress with my day.

The moral of the story is don’t lie. It’s an infectious disorder and if exposed, you might just start doing it as well. But at the end of the day – we just want people to tell us the truth, don’t we? Well it all starts with you.

Misunderstandings

One of the things I truly do not understand is the communication methods of younger gay men. And by this, I mean several things. It ranges from just how the interact with one another with not speaking when they see an old flame in public. Certainly, I cannot be the only one who has pondered this throughout history. Yes, I have found myself both a victim and a culprit in all scenarios but who hasn’t? I simply wish to understand why we do what we do … when we do it. Confusing? You haven’t read anything yet.

You are a homosexual; you meet someone and start seeing him or her on a regular basis. Things seem promising and then; just 4 weeks into your relationship something causes your joining to go sour. You talk shit about this person to other people and it makes you feel better. Finally, when you see them in public, whether it be at the grocery store or a movie premiere, you act as if you have never seen them before. Or worse – you act awkward and casually stare at them whenever you think they are not looking. This does happen to the heterosexual community as well but in my research, I have found that it occurs more with homosexuals. This can be solely based on the inexperience with handling difficult situations in that particular person’s life. In some cases, this takes place when one or both parties hate confrontations. I fall into this category.

Simply acknowledging the elephant in the room would be the best solution because just imagine how much thinner the air would be if this took place as often as it should. I have often felt before that I could do a pull up on all the tension in the air when I see an old lover. This is something we all need to work on. Post haste.

How some gays communicate with one another is a fascinating subject and often times even better to observe. And not just any gays – really feminine ones. The ones that scream out “Heyyy Girrrllll!” when they run into a female or occasionally even a male companion this is how they chose to greet them. Unacceptable. I have never understood this and feel as though I never will. I am not saying this behavior is wrong, just odd. Why is it a fraction of gay men act more like a woman than one of the Kardashians do? I have encountered my fair share of feminine gay men and have often times found it rather amusing to watch them interact with the general public as, almost always, they end up making huge fools of themselves. Is it people like this that cause the gay community to catch so much crap for being gay in the first place. After all, being gay should be just like being straight – you shouldn’t wear it on your sleeve and act in a way that informs everyone of your orientation. Until we can figure out how to take the more flamboyant types of this sexual orientation a little easier, I suggest we all attempt to raise our tolerance levels for the time being. Or just stay indoors and keep the TV tuned to the History channel.

Karmic retribution

It was recently brought to my attention that an old flame of mine recently became single. We’ll call him “David”. And this did not come as a huge shock to me – as he is a notorious cheater/boozer. He cheated on me two years ago with the guy that has now apparently dumped him. This makes me very happy. And not because I’m still bitter about being cheated on … well that might have something to do with it. The reason I find myself happy that this happened to him is because I love it when karma finds someone who absolutely deserves to be bit in the ass. But this is how I feel about anyone who has something of this nature coming to them.

After I heard of David’s recent streak of awful luck and I felt that evil grin stretch across my face I realized that I hadn’t completely forgiven him for what had transpired between us only a few years earlier. You have to understand, this was the first man I had a serious relationship with so every word that came out of his mouth might as well of been lined with gold, because I believed every word. He lied to me when I thought he was telling me the truth, and when the road started to get a little bit rocky between us he decided to take cover inside the warmth of someone else’s trousers. As this was the first time this particular situation happened to me, it has taken me a long time to fully get passed it. I hate any situation that makes me look and feel like an idiot. This occurs more than I’d prefer it to, but what can you do? When I ended up discovering David’s indiscretions one my own, I vowed I would never speak to him again. But to be fair, I let him give me his side of the story because at that point I was eager to hear how he’d distort the truth. And boy did he – he claimed that he cheated because he was so stressed from our relationship. His last statement confused me, as I can’t understand how screwing someone else is validated by a rough patch in a relationship. And that’s when I realized then and there that this was only a relationship not a partnership in which we were both equals and even more – being held to the same standards such as monogamy. So I decided that being with him was no longer what I felt I deserved and so I ended things. He tried, as all single celled organisms do, begging me to work things out with him. He then expressed that he felt this would be the best interest for us both, as long as he could continue to sleep with his trick on the side. WHAT? Are you kidding? I hung up the phone and I haven’t spoken to him in almost 3 years now.

But the whole reason I explained this was so you could grasp an understanding to where I’m coming from when I say I still harbor ill feelings towards David. Who wouldn’t? Now I know it’s not the Christian thing to do but let’s face it – if we were all devout Christians then we wouldn’t need church every Sunday to set us straight. I don’t want David to suffer an ill fate or lose a limb. I suppose that hearing of his ill fortune makes me happy because he now knows how I felt not too long ago when he left me alone and in the dark. Is the quote “Can you ever really forgive if you can’t forget?” true? I believe it is. Has what he did effected my relationships that have taken place after him – no. The only relationship it has ever affected was the one that transpired between him and me. I feel as though I’m a stronger and wiser person for what I was forced to endure with him. It taught me what I am not willing to tolerate when in a relationship. The easiest way to move past this I have found is simply accepting him for the person he is and leaving it at that. And at the end of the day, no matter what you do to someone or how badly you treat them – karma will always find you. Believe that.

Myths

Over the years, I think I’ve managed to learn a thing or two about relationships. Being a part of one that works does actually help to put all the bad ones in retrospect. I spent most of my adolescent life trying to find and keep a boyfriend when really; I needed to learn to be content with myself first. But I wanted to dispel a few myths about relationships whether they are straight or gay. Myths, that when left unexplained, can be the crutch that both parties lean on when they find themselves in a stalemate with their relationship.

Age means nothing. True, sometimes you can encounter differences when seeing someone older or younger than yourself. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t have anything in common. After all, one of the whole reasons we want to be in a relationship is so we can learn new things about someone and find things to like together. I’ve had someone tell me before that our age was the reason we kept disagreeing on certain things or why we seemed to be missing the boat when it came to important issues such as sex, spending time together and moving forward with our relationship in general. But at the end of the day it comes down to this – you’re only as old as you feel. Simply expressing to your partner, or hell anyone for that matter, is just a way to cushion your friends feelings should you chose to not to participate in something. It really aggravates me when people use their age as an excuse for anything. Because you’re 30 you should what, want to be settled down and have a family right? In most cases this is true but for some; completely inaccurate. This is how I know the “age” excuse is nothing but pure crap.

Not acting your age can go hand in hand with the age topic, but more often than not, it has to with your personality rather than how many years you’ve been alive. For instance, I love being active. I love being outside hiking, working out or just having a good time with friends. I also like to stay up until about 11 o’clock at night or until I find myself getting sleepy. Why? Because I have way too much energy all the time. This bothers my partner as you can imagine, because a few nights out of the week I’m watching TV as he’s trying to get some shut-eye. Even though I keep the volume low, he still has trouble dozing off. At one time, I wished that he could have more energy to watch TV with me but realized soon after that he works very hard and is exhausted at night. And thus, I have limited my bedtime TV watching to the bare minimum to be polite.

I realize that everyone is different and that at times, but the next time you find yourself not committing to a dinner with friends, or an evening with your partner, I want you to stop and think if your resistance from attending is simply because you’re tired or because you simply don’t want to go. Which ever you land on, be sure to express. No one likes a liar.

We're in this together

Living with someone you love certainly has its perks, conveniences and challenges. And one of the hardest challenges is giving up most of your “you” time you used to have to now have “us” time in its place. Is that wrong for your partner to expect you to do that? Absolutely not. Living together, however, is something that should not be taken lightly. Serious commitment is involved and more often than not, you’re doing it without even realizing it.

In the majority of young and middle aged couples, spending a lot of time together is something that happens right of the bat and after a while will let up. But in some cases it doesn’t. And before you know it, you’re living with someone without even realizing it. This is not a bad surprise in most cases, as this is what we all want out of life. But different personalities can react to this in very radically different ways. There are ways to adapt to living together; you just have to know in which direction to head should you find yourself shacking up with someone. For instance – compromise is the key to everything. If you don’t have compromise, your relationship is headed for failure from the get go. If your partner or lover says they need some space and time to themselves for a few days – give it to them. If you don’t, this will have nothing but a negative on your bond. I always like to use that time to catch up with friends and go see movies I have been wanting to see. Time to yourself can be a good thing! Trust is another important necessity to have in a committed relationship. If you don’t trust the person you will end up driving yourself crazy with worry that if you’re not around them they will cheat. (Note: Some people cannot be trusted but if you feel like that’s who you’re with you have to stop and ask yourself – is it really worth it, anyway?) Trust is like a muscle in the sense that if you use it and build it up, it will become stronger and stronger as time goes one. And last but not least, laughter is just as important as breathing. I like to think of this as the oxygen that keeps the relationship alive. Having someone that can make me laugh contributes a lot to any relationship I have. Especially a romantic one. But that seems like common sense to me. After all, wouldn’t you want someone to make you smile rather than make you frown or worse – cry?

Living together is something that can be successful. You just have to take your time, get to know the other person and above all else – make sure it’s what you want and need. Just remember that the art of compromise can become compromising, but at the end of the day you and your lover/partner are in this together and another great thing about being in a relationship is that you’re not alone and you can always ask for help. So don’t be afraid to receive a shoulder to cry on as well and be one. Oh, and good luck!

Hope

So far, I feel like I have complained a lot and not been as positive as I could be. With that being said, I have decided to write an article in a positive light with only a pinch of cynicism. I have some hopes, dreams, and fears I would like to share with you all. This will not be the case every time I post a piece on this blog, just what I feel I need to do this time to set the record straight…or gay…or whichever way you prefer.

It is my hope that one day in the near future all straight and sexually confused men will stop acting as if being gay is airborne. I cannot tell you how many times I have attempted to assist a heterosexual male while at work and had them act as if I just asked their hand in marriage. If you let me get a couple sentences out, I just might surprise you at how helpful and nice I can be. Instead, when I ask you if you need help getting something down off the highest shelf in the store – you say no and walk around the store for 45 minutes until a female comes along. Ridiculous. Being gay has not become an epidemic nor is it contagious. Please stop acting as such. If I make you that uncomfortable, chances are you are just a little queer yourself.

I cannot wait for the day in which we no longer find our economy and job situation in this country to be an absolute wreck. President Obama blames former President Bush, the people blame President Obama, and companies blame the government for not having the funds to hire new employees. But the truth is, I believe this to be a joint effort on all of our parts. It took more than one person to get us into this mess so naturally it is going to take just as many to get us out of it. In my opinion, I cannot wait to have Obama out of office because I feel as though he has done an awful job. However, that is just my opinion. With that being said, I cannot imagine the amount of stress that the President has on him each and every day. And that is something to take into consideration, also.

As I begin my career in higher education this fall and pursue a degree in English I can’t help but be a little worried that I won’t do well. I am confident, however, that this is something that every student faces at one point or another. I am still unsure where I will begin my undergraduate program and part of that comes from being worried about all the responsibilities that college comes with. But perhaps I should cast these fears aside because let’s not forget – you only live once. I don’t want to be one of those 40 year old gay men working at a call center and not at all happy with my job. I will be receiving my associates from a local community college but as far as my bachelors; I have no idea. Wish me luck.

Truth

I knew I would get around to this topic at some point so it makes me sublimely happy that I am getting it out of the way now. It is the topic of gay men, the other individuals that share the same gift I do – fancying men over women. Before this gets going, let it be known that this may seem like hate towards gay men but in fact, it is the expression of my distaste for the less “responsible” ones out there. With that being said there are three types of gay men: Mature, Immature and Whore. I have unfortunately encountered all three so far in my life. I will depict the scenarios of each below to better help you understand what I’m saying.

Mature: I am finally say that at 23 I have found someone that loved me or me and I love them just as equally for who they are as well. I no longer have to worry about being cheated on, embarrassed and worse – left alone. Nevertheless, most people wonder how this happened when just 3 years ago I was all alone and dating loser after loser. Well a wonderful thing happened called karma. After putting up with shit for years I finally for what I deserved – a lasting, adult relationship. I have no complaints about the “Mature” type of man. They may have their flaws but who doesn’t? At least they communicate and share what is going on inside their head.

Immature: 2 years ago, I found myself dating a complete waste of time…we will just call him Doug. My relationship with Doug started out going very well. Before we knew it, we were living together after 4 months and just when all seemed to be heading in the right direction – lies started to surround us. Every word that came out of his mouth was like an insult. I caught him smoking when he told me he was not, drinking when he said he did not want to and eventually sleeping with other people … when he said he only had eyes for me. Thank God, I caught the last one before he had the chance to spread whatever disease he caught to me. My point it is, this guy seemed like an amazing guy but being seen and adolescent got the best of him. The second to best part, I found out he was cheating through the internet. The fucker was so drunk one night he posted pictures of him and the person he has been sleeping with on Facebook. He then tried to deny it. Amazing. The best part of all, however, is that after 2 years it makes me happy to say I no longer associate myself with that person or 98% of the gay community for that matter. It is a fact that the brains all 98% function the same way as Doug’s did. Sad but true.

Whore: Once I briefly dated as guy who was such a whore he could not even keep it in his pants when we went to go dancing. I will not even bore you with his name, as he is definitely not important enough for remembering. But he and I had been seeing one another for about a month before we started to “explore” one another if you catch my drift. (Ok, I was 18 so cut me some slack. You’ve done it, too.) You can imagine my surprise when we decided to go out one night (the one and ONLY time I have been to a gay bar) he started making out with another guy no more than 50 feet away from me. After that I swore off gay bars, clubs and anything with a large gathering of gay men for good.

The point of this is that at 23 I am still shocked with how immature and childish gay guys, even grown ass men act. It’s pathetic and sad. When you’re 45 and wearing an Abercrombie & Fitch muscle tee in a night club filled with guys half your age, it’s time for a life evaluation. Just accept it. But on the flip side, there are a select few who are mature, have great jobs and truly are “catches”. But most, are not. I can say, however, I am blessed to have found one of these catches and that, makes me happy.

Moving On

Buenos Dias. For those of you that do not know, I live in Roanoke, VA. It is most certainly not the most glamorous city nor is it a vast metropolis. Nevertheless, its home for right now. If there is one thing I have come to learn, it is that home is where the heart is … and where your job is. I grow so tired of hearing 50% of the people I encounter express to me their distaste for where they live. This aggravates me. And for several reasons -

One: You can help where you live. People act as if they were placed in this town, or any town for that matter, as the end to a cruel joke. This is not the case, however. The spend their time planning their exodus only to never move or even leave. Yes, moving does take money but not as much as you would think. Don’t be an idiot and buy a house/apartment you can’t afford and you should be all right.

Two: You can find a job somewhere else. I am so sick of people blubbering about how hard it is to find a job. They are only complaining because they cannot find the job they want, instead of any job period. If where you are working now won’t let you transfer then find a less appealing one to hold you over until you get acclimated with your new surroundings. Crisis averted.

Three:  Finally, you can make new friends. Everyone that worries about relocating always stumbles onto this stupid topic at some point or another. It has never been difficult for me to make friends so this alone could be why I do not understand the dilemma with meeting new people but you will do just that – MEET NEW PEOPLE. That’s the beauty of life.

Of course at one point or another, I have found myself uttering using these

excuses. Why have I not moved? It’s because I truly do not wish to right now and

when it comes down to it, that’s why no one moves anywhere unless it’s for work

related purposes. So deal with it, suck it up and enjoy life. Because you only live

once.

The Fame

As I watched the Early Show this morning, an upsetting segment about young people’s obsession with fame. This comes as no surprise to me and really, does it shock you either? Since I was a child, there has been no better idea than being rich and famous. Aside from growing up to become doctors and lawyers, being rich and famous was the next option on our list. And in most cases, it was the first. Who wouldn’t want to be so rich they had no worries, be well known to all, and truly loved what they did for a living? I would trade in my job for a shot at millions of dollars and the ability to entertain the world. So as I continued viewing the segment, I found myself not at all surprised at the comparisons they ended up making:

Ø      25% of women studied in a recent survey would rather win ‘Americas Next Top Model’ then the Nobel Peace Prize.

Ø      50% would rather be hit by a bus than get fat.

Ø      51% said that becoming famous is their number one or number two goal in life.

I will admit that this article is mostly about young women but truthfully, gay men are not that different when you think about it. We obsess too much, just like women and we sleep with men. See, we are more alike than you thought. What really got me rather heated, is when one of the authors they interviewed, stated that it astounded her and that we have lost a balance in life. Quite frankly it astounds me that she is so appalled at the idea what people want to be famous. It was also added that those who focus mostly on celebrities and Hollywood; know significantly less about what’s going on in this world politically compared to someone who does not. They eventually ended up saying that we pay more attention to the celebrities, movies, and drama in Hollywood than we do the “important” topics in our political present. Well duh, who would want to focus on wars, hunger, and oppression all the time? Watching what is basically the same movie all day every day. But in Tinsel town, there’s always something to entertain us, make us laugh, relax, and often times help us to de-stress.

What these reporters and the news media need to learn, is that when you are confirming that 20% of Americans believe that the Sun revolves around the Earth, it is not a direct reflection on how often we watch celebrities. Moreover, it is a direct reflection on the decision of those individuals to not pay attention in school. After all, isn’t that what it is there for and as such, why we are required to go for at least 12 years of our life? I say we have our youth concentrate on what’s more important now, so that they don’t make us all look like idiots later. Because learning the Earth revolves around the Sun is not something you forget … at least not without consuming a veritable ton of alcohol first.