Overbooking

Lately I have been thinking about the concept of time, and how we never seem to have enough of it. This could be the result of simply over-committing ourselves to life’s everyday motions. Alternatively, agreeing to participate in something that we know will result in some other task being pushed back. It is not enough to just have a good job anymore – we now have to have a good job, successful relationship and a nice home with plenty of friends to remind us of how successful we are. However, at the end of the day, we have to stop and think about what this is inevitably doing to our mental state. For instance, I know a guy that stays to busy he can’t even set up a dinner date with friends a week in advance because he stays so over worked and stressed. True, he does love his job, but we all do in the beginning, right? This is also evidence that being so overbooked can often times lead others to question our reliability as I have found myself questioning this man’s several times. He is not a bad person because of this; he just may have some issues with both his professional and personal lives in the years to come.

There have even been instances in which I myself have fallen victim to overbooking. It has always been work related, too. Friends will inform me something is going on the day its happening and it most always coincides with a closing shift. The urge to make up an excuse to get off work early and join them is always the first thought to enter my mind, but that would be wrong on more levels than one so thus, it has never transpired. I have also found myself a second hand victim of being overbooked. The men I have dated, friends I have had, and still have, often times find themselves too busy to even grab a quick bite due to Pilate’s classes at the gym, presentations at work and even veterinary appointments. I know what you are thinking, these people are making these things up in an effort to not hang out with me, but that is not the case. I have been so bored at times that I have actually accompanied friends on such errands as these and they do in fact, hold truth to them.

In any event, we mustn’t forget that time is something that we can never get back once we’ve lost it. Days even years that have passed us by are lost to us now. Life should be about memories not seeing how many hours you can work in one week. I am not discouraging those of you that have strong work ethics, just humor me an take a day or two and spend it with a friend of family member that you have been wanting to get together with for a while. Believe me when I say that it will beat a day at the office.

Long distance

Whether you have thought about it or not, at some point in your life the topic of conducting a long distance relationship will emerge. I myself have always frowned on the idea thinking that it would never work. Because no matter whom you decide to date, they will eventually find something closer to home and leave you all by yourself. However, this is not always the case and can actually be a useless fear all together. Assuming of course that the person you are with is a trustworthy individual and is not known for cheating. Moreover, while my experience with long distance dating is very new, I have already learned much.

First, you must have an immense amount of patience. Not everything will fall together all at once. You have to give some things time and trust that if it is meant to be then it will work out. Trust also falls hand in hand with patience, as you need to be able to trust someone in a city in which you do not live so that you do not drive yourself crazy!

Also, realize that whomever you have a relationship, even someone that lives closer that 300 miles away, has a life of his or her own and does not always include you. Especially in the early stages of the relationship. They have their own friends, job, and priorities. So do not get aggravated when you do not hear back from then immediately after you send a text message. I have had to learn this one myself as I am the type of person who devotes every thought to how something will affect both me and the other person. But that’s a lesson I need to learn – think about myself more.

The best thing about being with someone who doesn’t live in the same zip code as you is the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you know you’re going to see them. A two, three or even a four hour drive can seem like an eternity when you’re on your way to visit with them. But in my opinion, that’s what makes it all worth while. Having said that, I will say that long distance relationships are hard and take an eye opening amount of work. But if you and the other person are committed, then you are in for much happiness and partnership.

An important lesson

Earlier today, I received some news that upset me, greatly. My Grandmother is in the hospital and is having trouble breathing. She has apparently been in the hospital for a few days and I am just now hearing about it. My Mom went on to tell me that she met with her doctors and they informed her that my Grandma only has about 3 months left to live … if that.

My reaction to this was one of shock and disbelief. I have never been close with my Grandma or “Maw-Maw” as my family has come to name her. I was shocked because it was like something I have known all my life to be there, suddenly wouldn’t be in a few short months. Imagine a painting you have hanging in a room that you don’t go into very often. You know it’s there, but you don’t have a strong of a connection with it as you do with the other pieces of artwork in your home as you do not see it that much. But imagine one day going into the room with the painting you’re unaccustomed to seeing only to find it’s gone. You would feel as though a piece of your home; your life was inadequate.

As I said before, I have never truly known my Grandmother. I mean I was never close with her. We shared occasional conversation but that was the extent of our interactions. Basically – I never went out of my way to go and visit with her. I felt as though my life were too busy to take time to go and visit with my oldest family member in my family. This is one of my biggest regrets. She can no longer care for herself as she has stage five lung cancer and it has spread to any and everywhere that matters. Hence the three month life expectancy, so she will not be able to make any journeys back to her home. The place she has called home for the past 30 years is a place that she can now only visit in her memories until she passes away.

As I visit my Grandmother now I learn new things about her that I never knew. The woman that sits in front of me now looks radically different than the woman I grew up sitting across the Christmas tree from. Her skin is discolored, voice sounds week and she’s breathing with the help of a oxygen machine that has to accompany her everywhere she goes. I don’t know this woman. I didn’t really the know the one I grew up with either. That’s when I realized, there’s no better time to start getting to know her than right now. While I might not know her inside and out before she dies, there are so many things I can learn that I don’t know about her now. The moral of the this article is that we never know how much time we have with anyone – especially the people we love. I might never get to know my Maw-Maw the way everyone close to her did. But trying is a start. And it’s the only card left to play.

The hardest thing

A few weeks ago, one of my closest friends met a guy. And not just any guy – an amazing guy. He is chivalrous, sweet and cares about her opinions. Which is always important in any relationship. Ever since they met they have spent an alarming amount of time together and it made me worry. But what I’ve come to ask myself is why am I worrying about this? I decided to go over all the usual factors.

Despite everything I’ve learned about being in a relationship and being happy, I can be a bit selfish. I don’t want her to be in a relationship with someone because I’m afraid it will mean that she will not be able to spend as much time with me. I’m afraid it will cause us to lose our bond and not be as close since she is spending so much time with another person. I know, it’s very selfish of me. But I can’t help the way I think. And it is wrong. Especially since she has never acted this way to me about anything, at least nothing pertaining to relationships.

And then I realized, who am I to not be happy for one of my friends. She has found something that is a positive influence in her life and makes her feel good. The truth is, sometimes the hardest thing in life is being happy for someone else. Especially when you yourself aren’t entirely happy with everything in your life. But what you realize is this person, who’s relationship you are devaluing, has never done that to you. You owe her or him the same respect. Because at the end of the day – they are your friend and that’s what friends do and that's what they would do for you.

Commendable Behavior

When I get online to work, goof off or just try to kill some time. My browser is always pointed in the same direction first – YouTube. “What do I watch next?” –

this is something that I ask myself usually once a day, especially when watching YouTube videos posted by some of my favorite Vloggers. Often times I cannot help but think, “what the hell are these people thinking?” and more often than not I usually end up fascinated by how open these people are with things such as make-up application or going crazy on camera. It is all very entertaining, I watch every minute of it…and these are men I am watching! It might sound awful, but I cannot help trying to figure out how in the world someone can love someone like them. Especially acting the way they act. Let me give you a couple of examples.

Chris Crocker – He is best known for his “Leave Britney Alone” video but this particular man has been a sensation across the internet over the past 6 years with his edgy videos and tackling red-hot topics we, as gays, face every day. The one thing that I have always liked about Chris Crocker is that not once has he been afraid to be himself. He has always pushed the envelope and has never apologized for any of the things he has done. Bravo. The audience has literally watched Chris grow up on camera over the last 5 years and it has been one crazy ride. One thing I have always admired about him is his ability to speak his mind. Going through a period in his life in which he was a cross dresser, he faced probably the most adversity that anyone in this world can face next to having an actual handicap. Chris did it well, however. However, I still found myself asking the infamous question…is that not too gay?

Gregory Gorgeous – I recently discovered this particular homosexual about 3 weeks ago. And even though I have no interest in any of his videos, I watched them for about 3 hours one afternoon. Simply because I felt as though every time he opened his mouth, something even gayer would come. Believe it or not, these are the guys that stand out the most to me when it comes to being gay. And I do not mean a romantic interest or anything sexual. I mean I admire them for putting themselves out there. Being one of only three gay men in my high school, I admire it when any gay person puts himself or herself out there. Gregory’s videos range from his favorite colognes and perfumes as well as how he does his hair. (As I said before, nothing about his videos interest me beyond his boldness and ability to laugh at himself)

John Couver – John Couver, also known as Couver87 has become one of my regular YouTube go to’s whenever I need to get some normalcy in what I am watching. John is a college student in Arizona and is probably the one I relate the most to whenever I watch vlogging videos online. He and his boyfriend have been together for over a year and are in a long distance relationship. This, in most cases, would cause anyone who is told that to immediately make a frowny face and feel bad for John. This is not the case however, as they are both very happy with one another and trust each other completely, despite being hundreds of miles apart. It is rather inspiring to me and it makes me hopeful that whether it is long distance or close to home – there is hope for me.

In conclusion, everyone is different in what they like to watch when they visit this particular site. I watch just about everything you can imagine from Vlogging videos to movie trailers to even only episodes of cartoons I used to watch as a kid. To me it is a nice break from reality and provides an escape of the most refreshing kind. I do hope to ass myself to the roster of video bloggers within the next few months so stay tuned. I haven’t yet found my direction in which I want to take them but like everything else in life, it will reveal itself to me eventually. It is my personal belief that we can all learn something from the people who decide to put themselves out there for people to hear. Without even knowing it, they have shown bravery that most people will never know themselves. And we can all find a way to respect that.

When life happens

When most people end a relationship, they think about all the things they no longer have and what they lost. Instead, what they should really be thinking about is the time they had with the person they just lost. This is something I have done myself so please hear me out. When we lose someone we love, there are several stages of grief that our bodies have to go through in order to heal itself. Anger, sadness, and feeling lost are just a few of the emotions that go through our minds. However, there is a great spectrum of possibilities that we do not realize is there until often times it is too late.

I met Mark just before my 22^nd birthday just over a year and a half ago. I can remember a particularly cold January. He and I met just as friends to discuss a professional issue I was having. It was good to finally meet and spend time with a gay man that I was not interested in other than to be friends. It felt good. We spent every afternoon that week together and after a week, you guessed it, feelings started to form.

[I had gone through a particularly rough patch with my most recent roommate and had felt burned and used. I still felt that was then Mark and I began spending time together. Just getting out of a rough relationship of sorts himself, he found himself to be quite vulnerable as well.]

By the end of that month we had quite possibly one of the most important conversations I will ever have with anyone –

Me: Would you like to meet my sister in law?

Mark: Sure!

…about 5 minutes of silence goes by.

Me: Well when you meet them, how should I introduce you? My friend, close friend … boyfriend?

Mark: What do you think?

Me: I mean, I don’t want to see anyone else. Just you.

Mark: Me too.

Me: Alright then. (cut to me smiling while confirming plans on the phone with my sister in law on the phone.)

The reason this conversation will forever me engrained in my mind is because of it’s significance. Mark is the first man I have ever truly loved and gave all of myself to. While I am young, I will never give up the idea of soul mates.

Mark and I saw one another for 8 months until we reached an impasse in our relationship. We had great times together but we both had personal issues we had to work on. I do not want anyone who might know Mark to read this and derive a conclusion so I will not list what the reasons were here. There is an upside, however. About 3 months later of not speaking and seeing one another, we decided to get together for dinner. That lead to 2 months of sleeping together and trying to be just friends. It inevitably led to us getting back into a relationship with one another. This time felt different that the last. We were stronger as a couple and I was fully myself. The last time we dated I hid a part of myself and just agree with most of the things he said in order to please him. But this time, things had changed. I was myself and voiced my own opinions. And things were fine for another 8 months. But in both of our minds, we secretly knew this wasn’t working. And so we finally had that talk … the one we had before. About it not working. We talked for nearly 3 an a half hours. We cried, laughed and decided that we would just be close friends, not lovers.

Mark and I never meant to fall into a relationship together, it just happened. Would I take is back; knowing everything I know now? Never. I absolutely treasure the time I had and still share with Mark. He is one incredible man and by far the most intelligent human being I have met to this day. I is because of him that I know no relationship, no matter how minute, is a waste of time. You learn something each and every time you have an interaction with someone. Mark is no exception. Being 8 years apart we can look at every aspect of the world differently and that’s what makes us; us.

The moral to this story is we do not choose who we meet and fall into like/love with. The thing to learn is that God, Allah, whomever you believe in has a pan for us all. It might not seem that way now, but things can and will always get better. Being alone is only a part of life. It is the part that walks hand in hand with being with someone. The great thing about life is that there are so many parts to your story. I have began to think of our relationship much like a romantic comedy - there are funny parts, sad parts, hard parts and uplifting parts. But what matters is what happens in the end. He and I have started to adapt nicely. What happens now? Only time will tell.

Lying

Lying. It is something we have all done at one point or another whether you choose to admit it or not. I have done it, and so have you. And yes, it is bad, despite what anyone tells you. But more importantly than performing the act itself is how we react and move forward once we have encountered it. It is my personal belief that a little white lie every now and then hurts no one. It is the gargantuan monstrosities that people tell you right to your face and actually expect you to believe that gets me. I can assure you, I look like no idiot. Nor do I lack the mental capacity to process such an odd thing as the truth. So spit it out already.

Yesterday afternoon I encountered a not so uncommon form of liar – the ridiculously gay “bad” liar. Like I said, not so uncommon. He was making a return to the clothing store I work at. Our return policy clearly states on the receipts be received – no items may be returned if they are washed or warn unless there is a deficiency. What was be returning? I solid white pair of shorts with a brown substance all over them. They also smelled like laundry detergent. I asked the obvious question – why are you returning these? “They just didn’t look right,” was his response. Was that before or after you washed, dried, and spilled fecal matter all over them, I thought. Instead of asking what I was feeling, I decided to take the higher road and simply processed the transaction. After that was finished I caught hell from my manager … as you can imagine. She explained the return policy to me as if it were my first day. Listen lady, I simply didn’t want to get into a bitch fight with the queen that returned them and have to put him in his place, OK? But after she and I talked and she began to walk away I couldn’t help but think about the gay guy’s actions the rest of the night. How could someone be so dishonest that he didn’t tell the whole truth about why he was returning the pair of shorts? At the worst he would have received store credit which isn’t bad at all in my book. And then it occurred to me – he was simply a dishonest person so trying to determine the logic behind his thinking was just something that could not be explained by my mind alone. At least, not if I was going to get the correct explanation. I decided to abandon the project and progress with my day.

The moral of the story is don’t lie. It’s an infectious disorder and if exposed, you might just start doing it as well. But at the end of the day – we just want people to tell us the truth, don’t we? Well it all starts with you.

Misunderstandings

One of the things I truly do not understand is the communication methods of younger gay men. And by this, I mean several things. It ranges from just how the interact with one another with not speaking when they see an old flame in public. Certainly, I cannot be the only one who has pondered this throughout history. Yes, I have found myself both a victim and a culprit in all scenarios but who hasn’t? I simply wish to understand why we do what we do … when we do it. Confusing? You haven’t read anything yet.

You are a homosexual; you meet someone and start seeing him or her on a regular basis. Things seem promising and then; just 4 weeks into your relationship something causes your joining to go sour. You talk shit about this person to other people and it makes you feel better. Finally, when you see them in public, whether it be at the grocery store or a movie premiere, you act as if you have never seen them before. Or worse – you act awkward and casually stare at them whenever you think they are not looking. This does happen to the heterosexual community as well but in my research, I have found that it occurs more with homosexuals. This can be solely based on the inexperience with handling difficult situations in that particular person’s life. In some cases, this takes place when one or both parties hate confrontations. I fall into this category.

Simply acknowledging the elephant in the room would be the best solution because just imagine how much thinner the air would be if this took place as often as it should. I have often felt before that I could do a pull up on all the tension in the air when I see an old lover. This is something we all need to work on. Post haste.

How some gays communicate with one another is a fascinating subject and often times even better to observe. And not just any gays – really feminine ones. The ones that scream out “Heyyy Girrrllll!” when they run into a female or occasionally even a male companion this is how they chose to greet them. Unacceptable. I have never understood this and feel as though I never will. I am not saying this behavior is wrong, just odd. Why is it a fraction of gay men act more like a woman than one of the Kardashians do? I have encountered my fair share of feminine gay men and have often times found it rather amusing to watch them interact with the general public as, almost always, they end up making huge fools of themselves. Is it people like this that cause the gay community to catch so much crap for being gay in the first place. After all, being gay should be just like being straight – you shouldn’t wear it on your sleeve and act in a way that informs everyone of your orientation. Until we can figure out how to take the more flamboyant types of this sexual orientation a little easier, I suggest we all attempt to raise our tolerance levels for the time being. Or just stay indoors and keep the TV tuned to the History channel.

Karmic retribution

It was recently brought to my attention that an old flame of mine recently became single. We’ll call him “David”. And this did not come as a huge shock to me – as he is a notorious cheater/boozer. He cheated on me two years ago with the guy that has now apparently dumped him. This makes me very happy. And not because I’m still bitter about being cheated on … well that might have something to do with it. The reason I find myself happy that this happened to him is because I love it when karma finds someone who absolutely deserves to be bit in the ass. But this is how I feel about anyone who has something of this nature coming to them.

After I heard of David’s recent streak of awful luck and I felt that evil grin stretch across my face I realized that I hadn’t completely forgiven him for what had transpired between us only a few years earlier. You have to understand, this was the first man I had a serious relationship with so every word that came out of his mouth might as well of been lined with gold, because I believed every word. He lied to me when I thought he was telling me the truth, and when the road started to get a little bit rocky between us he decided to take cover inside the warmth of someone else’s trousers. As this was the first time this particular situation happened to me, it has taken me a long time to fully get passed it. I hate any situation that makes me look and feel like an idiot. This occurs more than I’d prefer it to, but what can you do? When I ended up discovering David’s indiscretions one my own, I vowed I would never speak to him again. But to be fair, I let him give me his side of the story because at that point I was eager to hear how he’d distort the truth. And boy did he – he claimed that he cheated because he was so stressed from our relationship. His last statement confused me, as I can’t understand how screwing someone else is validated by a rough patch in a relationship. And that’s when I realized then and there that this was only a relationship not a partnership in which we were both equals and even more – being held to the same standards such as monogamy. So I decided that being with him was no longer what I felt I deserved and so I ended things. He tried, as all single celled organisms do, begging me to work things out with him. He then expressed that he felt this would be the best interest for us both, as long as he could continue to sleep with his trick on the side. WHAT? Are you kidding? I hung up the phone and I haven’t spoken to him in almost 3 years now.

But the whole reason I explained this was so you could grasp an understanding to where I’m coming from when I say I still harbor ill feelings towards David. Who wouldn’t? Now I know it’s not the Christian thing to do but let’s face it – if we were all devout Christians then we wouldn’t need church every Sunday to set us straight. I don’t want David to suffer an ill fate or lose a limb. I suppose that hearing of his ill fortune makes me happy because he now knows how I felt not too long ago when he left me alone and in the dark. Is the quote “Can you ever really forgive if you can’t forget?” true? I believe it is. Has what he did effected my relationships that have taken place after him – no. The only relationship it has ever affected was the one that transpired between him and me. I feel as though I’m a stronger and wiser person for what I was forced to endure with him. It taught me what I am not willing to tolerate when in a relationship. The easiest way to move past this I have found is simply accepting him for the person he is and leaving it at that. And at the end of the day, no matter what you do to someone or how badly you treat them – karma will always find you. Believe that.

Myths

Over the years, I think I’ve managed to learn a thing or two about relationships. Being a part of one that works does actually help to put all the bad ones in retrospect. I spent most of my adolescent life trying to find and keep a boyfriend when really; I needed to learn to be content with myself first. But I wanted to dispel a few myths about relationships whether they are straight or gay. Myths, that when left unexplained, can be the crutch that both parties lean on when they find themselves in a stalemate with their relationship.

Age means nothing. True, sometimes you can encounter differences when seeing someone older or younger than yourself. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t have anything in common. After all, one of the whole reasons we want to be in a relationship is so we can learn new things about someone and find things to like together. I’ve had someone tell me before that our age was the reason we kept disagreeing on certain things or why we seemed to be missing the boat when it came to important issues such as sex, spending time together and moving forward with our relationship in general. But at the end of the day it comes down to this – you’re only as old as you feel. Simply expressing to your partner, or hell anyone for that matter, is just a way to cushion your friends feelings should you chose to not to participate in something. It really aggravates me when people use their age as an excuse for anything. Because you’re 30 you should what, want to be settled down and have a family right? In most cases this is true but for some; completely inaccurate. This is how I know the “age” excuse is nothing but pure crap.

Not acting your age can go hand in hand with the age topic, but more often than not, it has to with your personality rather than how many years you’ve been alive. For instance, I love being active. I love being outside hiking, working out or just having a good time with friends. I also like to stay up until about 11 o’clock at night or until I find myself getting sleepy. Why? Because I have way too much energy all the time. This bothers my partner as you can imagine, because a few nights out of the week I’m watching TV as he’s trying to get some shut-eye. Even though I keep the volume low, he still has trouble dozing off. At one time, I wished that he could have more energy to watch TV with me but realized soon after that he works very hard and is exhausted at night. And thus, I have limited my bedtime TV watching to the bare minimum to be polite.

I realize that everyone is different and that at times, but the next time you find yourself not committing to a dinner with friends, or an evening with your partner, I want you to stop and think if your resistance from attending is simply because you’re tired or because you simply don’t want to go. Which ever you land on, be sure to express. No one likes a liar.

We're in this together

Living with someone you love certainly has its perks, conveniences and challenges. And one of the hardest challenges is giving up most of your “you” time you used to have to now have “us” time in its place. Is that wrong for your partner to expect you to do that? Absolutely not. Living together, however, is something that should not be taken lightly. Serious commitment is involved and more often than not, you’re doing it without even realizing it.

In the majority of young and middle aged couples, spending a lot of time together is something that happens right of the bat and after a while will let up. But in some cases it doesn’t. And before you know it, you’re living with someone without even realizing it. This is not a bad surprise in most cases, as this is what we all want out of life. But different personalities can react to this in very radically different ways. There are ways to adapt to living together; you just have to know in which direction to head should you find yourself shacking up with someone. For instance – compromise is the key to everything. If you don’t have compromise, your relationship is headed for failure from the get go. If your partner or lover says they need some space and time to themselves for a few days – give it to them. If you don’t, this will have nothing but a negative on your bond. I always like to use that time to catch up with friends and go see movies I have been wanting to see. Time to yourself can be a good thing! Trust is another important necessity to have in a committed relationship. If you don’t trust the person you will end up driving yourself crazy with worry that if you’re not around them they will cheat. (Note: Some people cannot be trusted but if you feel like that’s who you’re with you have to stop and ask yourself – is it really worth it, anyway?) Trust is like a muscle in the sense that if you use it and build it up, it will become stronger and stronger as time goes one. And last but not least, laughter is just as important as breathing. I like to think of this as the oxygen that keeps the relationship alive. Having someone that can make me laugh contributes a lot to any relationship I have. Especially a romantic one. But that seems like common sense to me. After all, wouldn’t you want someone to make you smile rather than make you frown or worse – cry?

Living together is something that can be successful. You just have to take your time, get to know the other person and above all else – make sure it’s what you want and need. Just remember that the art of compromise can become compromising, but at the end of the day you and your lover/partner are in this together and another great thing about being in a relationship is that you’re not alone and you can always ask for help. So don’t be afraid to receive a shoulder to cry on as well and be one. Oh, and good luck!

Hope

So far, I feel like I have complained a lot and not been as positive as I could be. With that being said, I have decided to write an article in a positive light with only a pinch of cynicism. I have some hopes, dreams, and fears I would like to share with you all. This will not be the case every time I post a piece on this blog, just what I feel I need to do this time to set the record straight…or gay…or whichever way you prefer.

It is my hope that one day in the near future all straight and sexually confused men will stop acting as if being gay is airborne. I cannot tell you how many times I have attempted to assist a heterosexual male while at work and had them act as if I just asked their hand in marriage. If you let me get a couple sentences out, I just might surprise you at how helpful and nice I can be. Instead, when I ask you if you need help getting something down off the highest shelf in the store – you say no and walk around the store for 45 minutes until a female comes along. Ridiculous. Being gay has not become an epidemic nor is it contagious. Please stop acting as such. If I make you that uncomfortable, chances are you are just a little queer yourself.

I cannot wait for the day in which we no longer find our economy and job situation in this country to be an absolute wreck. President Obama blames former President Bush, the people blame President Obama, and companies blame the government for not having the funds to hire new employees. But the truth is, I believe this to be a joint effort on all of our parts. It took more than one person to get us into this mess so naturally it is going to take just as many to get us out of it. In my opinion, I cannot wait to have Obama out of office because I feel as though he has done an awful job. However, that is just my opinion. With that being said, I cannot imagine the amount of stress that the President has on him each and every day. And that is something to take into consideration, also.

As I begin my career in higher education this fall and pursue a degree in English I can’t help but be a little worried that I won’t do well. I am confident, however, that this is something that every student faces at one point or another. I am still unsure where I will begin my undergraduate program and part of that comes from being worried about all the responsibilities that college comes with. But perhaps I should cast these fears aside because let’s not forget – you only live once. I don’t want to be one of those 40 year old gay men working at a call center and not at all happy with my job. I will be receiving my associates from a local community college but as far as my bachelors; I have no idea. Wish me luck.

Truth

I knew I would get around to this topic at some point so it makes me sublimely happy that I am getting it out of the way now. It is the topic of gay men, the other individuals that share the same gift I do – fancying men over women. Before this gets going, let it be known that this may seem like hate towards gay men but in fact, it is the expression of my distaste for the less “responsible” ones out there. With that being said there are three types of gay men: Mature, Immature and Whore. I have unfortunately encountered all three so far in my life. I will depict the scenarios of each below to better help you understand what I’m saying.

Mature: I am finally say that at 23 I have found someone that loved me or me and I love them just as equally for who they are as well. I no longer have to worry about being cheated on, embarrassed and worse – left alone. Nevertheless, most people wonder how this happened when just 3 years ago I was all alone and dating loser after loser. Well a wonderful thing happened called karma. After putting up with shit for years I finally for what I deserved – a lasting, adult relationship. I have no complaints about the “Mature” type of man. They may have their flaws but who doesn’t? At least they communicate and share what is going on inside their head.

Immature: 2 years ago, I found myself dating a complete waste of time…we will just call him Doug. My relationship with Doug started out going very well. Before we knew it, we were living together after 4 months and just when all seemed to be heading in the right direction – lies started to surround us. Every word that came out of his mouth was like an insult. I caught him smoking when he told me he was not, drinking when he said he did not want to and eventually sleeping with other people … when he said he only had eyes for me. Thank God, I caught the last one before he had the chance to spread whatever disease he caught to me. My point it is, this guy seemed like an amazing guy but being seen and adolescent got the best of him. The second to best part, I found out he was cheating through the internet. The fucker was so drunk one night he posted pictures of him and the person he has been sleeping with on Facebook. He then tried to deny it. Amazing. The best part of all, however, is that after 2 years it makes me happy to say I no longer associate myself with that person or 98% of the gay community for that matter. It is a fact that the brains all 98% function the same way as Doug’s did. Sad but true.

Whore: Once I briefly dated as guy who was such a whore he could not even keep it in his pants when we went to go dancing. I will not even bore you with his name, as he is definitely not important enough for remembering. But he and I had been seeing one another for about a month before we started to “explore” one another if you catch my drift. (Ok, I was 18 so cut me some slack. You’ve done it, too.) You can imagine my surprise when we decided to go out one night (the one and ONLY time I have been to a gay bar) he started making out with another guy no more than 50 feet away from me. After that I swore off gay bars, clubs and anything with a large gathering of gay men for good.

The point of this is that at 23 I am still shocked with how immature and childish gay guys, even grown ass men act. It’s pathetic and sad. When you’re 45 and wearing an Abercrombie & Fitch muscle tee in a night club filled with guys half your age, it’s time for a life evaluation. Just accept it. But on the flip side, there are a select few who are mature, have great jobs and truly are “catches”. But most, are not. I can say, however, I am blessed to have found one of these catches and that, makes me happy.

Moving On

Buenos Dias. For those of you that do not know, I live in Roanoke, VA. It is most certainly not the most glamorous city nor is it a vast metropolis. Nevertheless, its home for right now. If there is one thing I have come to learn, it is that home is where the heart is … and where your job is. I grow so tired of hearing 50% of the people I encounter express to me their distaste for where they live. This aggravates me. And for several reasons -

One: You can help where you live. People act as if they were placed in this town, or any town for that matter, as the end to a cruel joke. This is not the case, however. The spend their time planning their exodus only to never move or even leave. Yes, moving does take money but not as much as you would think. Don’t be an idiot and buy a house/apartment you can’t afford and you should be all right.

Two: You can find a job somewhere else. I am so sick of people blubbering about how hard it is to find a job. They are only complaining because they cannot find the job they want, instead of any job period. If where you are working now won’t let you transfer then find a less appealing one to hold you over until you get acclimated with your new surroundings. Crisis averted.

Three:  Finally, you can make new friends. Everyone that worries about relocating always stumbles onto this stupid topic at some point or another. It has never been difficult for me to make friends so this alone could be why I do not understand the dilemma with meeting new people but you will do just that – MEET NEW PEOPLE. That’s the beauty of life.

Of course at one point or another, I have found myself uttering using these

excuses. Why have I not moved? It’s because I truly do not wish to right now and

when it comes down to it, that’s why no one moves anywhere unless it’s for work

related purposes. So deal with it, suck it up and enjoy life. Because you only live

once.

The Fame

As I watched the Early Show this morning, an upsetting segment about young people’s obsession with fame. This comes as no surprise to me and really, does it shock you either? Since I was a child, there has been no better idea than being rich and famous. Aside from growing up to become doctors and lawyers, being rich and famous was the next option on our list. And in most cases, it was the first. Who wouldn’t want to be so rich they had no worries, be well known to all, and truly loved what they did for a living? I would trade in my job for a shot at millions of dollars and the ability to entertain the world. So as I continued viewing the segment, I found myself not at all surprised at the comparisons they ended up making:

Ø      25% of women studied in a recent survey would rather win ‘Americas Next Top Model’ then the Nobel Peace Prize.

Ø      50% would rather be hit by a bus than get fat.

Ø      51% said that becoming famous is their number one or number two goal in life.

I will admit that this article is mostly about young women but truthfully, gay men are not that different when you think about it. We obsess too much, just like women and we sleep with men. See, we are more alike than you thought. What really got me rather heated, is when one of the authors they interviewed, stated that it astounded her and that we have lost a balance in life. Quite frankly it astounds me that she is so appalled at the idea what people want to be famous. It was also added that those who focus mostly on celebrities and Hollywood; know significantly less about what’s going on in this world politically compared to someone who does not. They eventually ended up saying that we pay more attention to the celebrities, movies, and drama in Hollywood than we do the “important” topics in our political present. Well duh, who would want to focus on wars, hunger, and oppression all the time? Watching what is basically the same movie all day every day. But in Tinsel town, there’s always something to entertain us, make us laugh, relax, and often times help us to de-stress.

What these reporters and the news media need to learn, is that when you are confirming that 20% of Americans believe that the Sun revolves around the Earth, it is not a direct reflection on how often we watch celebrities. Moreover, it is a direct reflection on the decision of those individuals to not pay attention in school. After all, isn’t that what it is there for and as such, why we are required to go for at least 12 years of our life? I say we have our youth concentrate on what’s more important now, so that they don’t make us all look like idiots later. Because learning the Earth revolves around the Sun is not something you forget … at least not without consuming a veritable ton of alcohol first.

Patience

Let me get one thing abundantly clear, regardless of what you may have heard, I am actually a quite patient person. I can be calm, understanding, and even sympathetic if the situation calls for it. Often times I find myself on the receiving end of someone being patient. Nevertheless, what I cannot stand nor chose to tolerate, is when anyone decides to let me know that they feel like they have been waiting far too long to be heard. Let me explain: last week, at work, I found myself assisting a customer with the purchase of new clothing. The transaction was going normally and right as we were reaching the home stretch of our time together, I heard what sounded a lot like a woman’s voice, calling my name. As I turned around, I noticed she was holding a shopping bag in her hand and was babbling something along the lines of “Is this where I make my returns?” Once I took a breathe I felt as though I could properly assess the situation. “No ma'am, it is not,” I began. “You will need to come to a counter where there is a cashier present and then they can help you with that.” I mean what else was there to say? She had to be completely blind in one eye with only a fraction of visibility in the other eye in order to assume that I was not already occupied with another customer. And that is the safest guess I’ve made all day.

Another area in which I seem to have trouble with being patient is when I am in the process of ringing someone up at the cash register, they swipe their credit card 2 shirts into a 15-item checkout. Oh, what must go through their mind as they jam that magnetic strip into the machine? I can only imagine that every person who does this is in the biggest of hurries. Bullshit. These people see that I’m busy and as such, decide to toy with me. After I notice their failed attempt to pay early, I advise that payment can only be processed once I have scanned the last item. There response to this is always the same, “You can do that at other places.” Guess what scooter; this isn’t one of those “places” is it? No, so don’t swipe your card until I’ve given you the proper hand gesture signaling to proceed. The only form of adult that can get away from this unscathed is someone who is elderly, mentally incapacitated, or just plain hot.

At this point in the article, I would imagine you’re asking yourself why I let this stuff bother me. I could just as easily blow it off my shoulders as I can write about it. And to that, I say this – I deal with these instances, these “people” each and every time I work. It proves for an interesting work environment I will admit, but these citizens need to pick their battles. Because the customer is not always right.

Observations

Out of all the people I encounter throughout the course of an average day, I am most fascinated by the individual that does not understand technology. And while currently that is very uncommon to come by, I always enjoy observing these people. Watching them figure out how to enter a number into their cell phones or composing a text message. My personal favorite is the man or woman that cannot seem to figure out how to operate their personal computer.

“What’s email,” and “If I press this will that fix it,” are both common phrases you can expect to hear from them. I guess it makes me wonder what I would be like if I was not as technologically well informed as I am. What on Earth would I be like if I did not know how to send an email or respond to a text message. It is a scary thought really. I always wonder what the people who are not as lucky as me do for a living. And while most of the time it is an older individual that I observe, a young person tends to sneak into the mix every once in a while. How can a 23 year old survive in this society, economy, or world without knowing at lease the basics of how to use our current technology? Something as simple as picking up the phone can be terrifying to these people.

Cell phones are one thing, however. The people that I have the most fun watching are those that are clueless when it comes to operating their laptop computers. We have all see the ones that, once they get their PC fired up, lean in and position their face only inches away from the screen. I have never understood this and often times wonder why this happens. Will they absorb the knowledge that is contained on the device faster because their face registers the information faster than their brain? It is my personal belief that each city, town or province should hold town meetings and give their citizens Computer 101. Because like it or not, its here to stay and each and every day people get further and further behind. Leaving the rest of us to catch them up when they need to access something electronically. Do not get me wrong; I am not complaining. Just intrigued by this.

I spent a good bit of my youth teaching my mother how to change the channel or set something up to record on TiVo and after a while, she got it. Repetition is the key apparently!

People Watching

I love people watching. Going and sitting down someplace and just observe the people in that area. It’s wonderful. I’ve tried to determine where the best place would be for this and I have come to 2 conclusions – The Boardwalk at any beach and Barnes & Noble. You might be wondering why, after well-thought out and careful deliberation, I happened to land on either of those choices. But don’t worry; I am fully prepared to explain myself.

The Beach boasts an array of wonderful things to do. Soak up some sun on the shore, eat more than your fill of fresh seafood at one of the hundreds of restaurants, or wait until the sun goes down and people watch your heart out. I am not, however, an expert at this as this past summer (2010) was my first people watching experience at such a venue but I feel like I am no longer an amateur if that tells you anything! It always amazes me at how careless people can be with their appearance. I feel that if you plan on going out in public you should be forced to look in the mirror at yourself for at least 5 minutes. If after those 5 minutes you wouldn’t even want to have sex with you then it is in your best interest to change. For a great deal of the summer, it is beyond hot at any beach location in the northern hemisphere so shorts and a t-shirt and almost always in order – until you come across the guy wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. The thing that always shocks me is he isn’t sweating at all. So in order to make myself feel better about the situation I come to the inevitable conclusion that he’s an alien. How else can you explain a mid–December outfit in the middle of July? If this were North Dakota I bet he would fit right in. Then there’s the infamous “fat guy without his shirt.” Like it or not – we’ve ALL seen this guy. Heck, it might not even be at a beach. We might run into him as we run our Saturday morning errands or whilst on our way to Jury duty. Clearly people such as this not only have NO full body mirrors in their homes, they are blind also. Most of the time I feel embarrassed for them because deep down they have to know that everyone is looking at them! Long story short – if you find yourself running low on funds during your vacation this year, just head down to the closest board walk, get yourself a sno-cone and have a seat. Within 5 minutes you will be provided with lasting entertainment that is not in short supply.

Your local Barnes & Noble is another place you can get your people watching on at. You’re probably asking yourself why I would suggest a place such as this for something so juvenile but you’d be surprised. Some of the people that chose to come to this establishment are about as dim as a dying light bulb. Out of all the characters I’ve seen in this place there is one type of person I cannot stand to see and that’s the “guy who never trims his fingernails.” What’s weird is that this type of person isn’t even someone who is limited to the confined walls of B&N. I cant seem to wrap my head around this concept. Do some men just get to senile in their aging that they just don’t care about personal hygiene? Clean cut fingernails has always been a pet peeve of mine which is why I have to set aside a certain time each week that I trim and clean my own. It’s one of the first things people see when they meet you (as they shake your hand) so why wouldn’t you keep them in tip-top shape? Men who don’t follow this rule always manage to creep me out as well. I mean, if they can’t take time to keep their hands even partially manicured, what’s to say they don’t “clean up” after themselves when the finish up in the bathroom. Don’t give me that – “Eww”, you know you were thinking it just like I was. Is it wrong to think that men with long, dirty and often times yellow fingernails is a bad person. Put quite frankly, any man could be as nice as they come but if his fingernails aren’t in the right place he has the potential to be a serial killer in my book. But I’m getting off subject – another great specimen to observe at one of these locations is any of the Starbucks baristas (if your location has one within the store). The women are often times so jacked up on coffee that they may as well do a series of jumping jacks when they take your order and the men … oh lord the men are as gay as they come. I have only ever encountered one straight male barista out of all the Starbucks locations I have been to. His name was Michael and he was most definitely a heterosexual. If our reality ever turns into an actual zombie style existence, Starbucks is where the “running” zombies would come from. And they wouldn’t be running because they downed a 10 pound latte before joining the undead community, but rather fleeing from a $7 cup of coffee. The people that attend any Barnes & Noble location are definitely not the same of the same caliber of ones that inhabit the coastline every year But they aren’t far behind.