When life happens

When most people end a relationship, they think about all the things they no longer have and what they lost. Instead, what they should really be thinking about is the time they had with the person they just lost. This is something I have done myself so please hear me out. When we lose someone we love, there are several stages of grief that our bodies have to go through in order to heal itself. Anger, sadness, and feeling lost are just a few of the emotions that go through our minds. However, there is a great spectrum of possibilities that we do not realize is there until often times it is too late.

I met Mark just before my 22^nd birthday just over a year and a half ago. I can remember a particularly cold January. He and I met just as friends to discuss a professional issue I was having. It was good to finally meet and spend time with a gay man that I was not interested in other than to be friends. It felt good. We spent every afternoon that week together and after a week, you guessed it, feelings started to form.

[I had gone through a particularly rough patch with my most recent roommate and had felt burned and used. I still felt that was then Mark and I began spending time together. Just getting out of a rough relationship of sorts himself, he found himself to be quite vulnerable as well.]

By the end of that month we had quite possibly one of the most important conversations I will ever have with anyone –

Me: Would you like to meet my sister in law?

Mark: Sure!

…about 5 minutes of silence goes by.

Me: Well when you meet them, how should I introduce you? My friend, close friend … boyfriend?

Mark: What do you think?

Me: I mean, I don’t want to see anyone else. Just you.

Mark: Me too.

Me: Alright then. (cut to me smiling while confirming plans on the phone with my sister in law on the phone.)

The reason this conversation will forever me engrained in my mind is because of it’s significance. Mark is the first man I have ever truly loved and gave all of myself to. While I am young, I will never give up the idea of soul mates.

Mark and I saw one another for 8 months until we reached an impasse in our relationship. We had great times together but we both had personal issues we had to work on. I do not want anyone who might know Mark to read this and derive a conclusion so I will not list what the reasons were here. There is an upside, however. About 3 months later of not speaking and seeing one another, we decided to get together for dinner. That lead to 2 months of sleeping together and trying to be just friends. It inevitably led to us getting back into a relationship with one another. This time felt different that the last. We were stronger as a couple and I was fully myself. The last time we dated I hid a part of myself and just agree with most of the things he said in order to please him. But this time, things had changed. I was myself and voiced my own opinions. And things were fine for another 8 months. But in both of our minds, we secretly knew this wasn’t working. And so we finally had that talk … the one we had before. About it not working. We talked for nearly 3 an a half hours. We cried, laughed and decided that we would just be close friends, not lovers.

Mark and I never meant to fall into a relationship together, it just happened. Would I take is back; knowing everything I know now? Never. I absolutely treasure the time I had and still share with Mark. He is one incredible man and by far the most intelligent human being I have met to this day. I is because of him that I know no relationship, no matter how minute, is a waste of time. You learn something each and every time you have an interaction with someone. Mark is no exception. Being 8 years apart we can look at every aspect of the world differently and that’s what makes us; us.

The moral to this story is we do not choose who we meet and fall into like/love with. The thing to learn is that God, Allah, whomever you believe in has a pan for us all. It might not seem that way now, but things can and will always get better. Being alone is only a part of life. It is the part that walks hand in hand with being with someone. The great thing about life is that there are so many parts to your story. I have began to think of our relationship much like a romantic comedy - there are funny parts, sad parts, hard parts and uplifting parts. But what matters is what happens in the end. He and I have started to adapt nicely. What happens now? Only time will tell.